I use to Fic
by cobra
Summary: A trip to Caritais sp? and an angel cross. 11 R


This is just a short fic I need to get the idea out of my head. You other writers know how it is. You get an idea that just won't leave your mind. So you either write it or you can't think of anything else for a week. Yeah its one of those. Read and Review. This is set in season 5 or early season 6. No spuffy happening. Sorry. Oh and when I say the rest of the scooby gang I mean Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia.  
  
Use To.  
  
I own nothing.  
  
Xander couldn't believe Angel had talked him and the rest of the scoobs to go to a demon karaoke bar. A green demon walked quickly up to Angel.  
  
Lorne: Angel. Sweetcheeks. Whose all the cuties?  
  
Angel sighed while smiling and Xander thought of ways to kill himself. Lorne noticed the acoustic guitar case in Xander's hand for the first time.  
  
Lorne: Don't like karaoke?  
  
Xander shrugged.  
  
Xander: I'd rather play while I embarrase myself.  
  
Lorne chuckles. And shakes his head. Angel laughs. as do the rest of the scoobies.  
  
Angel: So whose going first?  
  
The gang all looked at Buffy.  
  
Buffy: Come on. Can't I go last or something? Or better yet not go at all?  
  
Xander shook his head.  
  
Xander: I'll go first.  
  
Lorne nodded.  
  
Lorne: Anything you need on stage?  
  
Xander shook his head.  
  
Xander: No but a stiff drink in my hand would be nice.  
  
Lorne laughed and motioned for the bartender who started mixing drinks.  
  
Lorne: Well your up next cupcake. Get ready.  
  
Xander nodded mostly to himself as he down the drink grimacing at its strength.  
  
Xander: Wow. I'm ready.  
  
Buffy shook her head as the gang moved toward a table. Xander walked to the side of the stage.  
  
Buffy: You think he's any good?  
  
All but Willow shrugged.  
  
Willow: The singing I don't know about. But he can play the guitar pretty well.  
  
Angel sits back smiling.  
  
Angel: I'm going to make so much fun of him for this.  
  
Buffy and Willow glare at him. Cordelia laughs.  
  
Cordelia: I'm with you Angel. This is really going to make him look like a loser.  
  
The table became quiet as Xander took the stage sitting on a bar stool in front of the mic.  
  
Xander: Ok. I don't really like karaoke. So. I thought i'd embarasse myself twice by playing and singing.  
  
The entire club let out chuckles as Xander sat back and pulled the pick from the strings of the guitar.  
  
Xander: I can't believe I'm doing this. And Deadboy don't say a word.  
  
Everyone chuckled and Angel just glared.  
  
Xander: Here we go.  
  
Xander began to strum the guitar. The clubs patrons falling into silence as the intoxic rythme filled the room.  
  
"Use to believe life was different. Use to believe life was fun. Use to believe i made a difference. But we all fall down in the long run."  
  
To the suprise of his friends and his respected enemy Xander's voice was in perfect harmony with the chords. His face and bodylanguage all showed that he was into the song as far as an artist could get. It meant something to him. And in that respect it meant something to them all.  
  
"Life is a constant battle. Against yourself or enemies. Fighting the good fight changes people. Beyond belief."  
  
The words rang true to everyone at his friends table. The song hit close to home. The gang looked at eachother noting the slight or not so slight changes of one another over the years.  
  
Buffy: Buffy was still as strong as ever if not more so. But she knew she couldn't fight the darkness alone. The last year had taught her many tough lessons. All of them making her grow not as the slayer. But as a person. As a friend.  
  
Willow: Willow had grown up. Expanded her horizons and found love. She had grown more powerful over the years but all in all she was still the best friend Willow the scoobies knew and loved. Her changes weren't on the surface but below what eyes can see. Her soul had grown. It had aged beyond her years making her wise beyond anything a normal 20 year old should be able to comprehend. And she was better for it.  
  
Cordelia: Cordelia had become so much more than Queen C of Sunnydale High. She was a fighter for the light. A champion in her own right. While she still tried to show she was better than everyone else. Deep down she knew she wasn't. She didn't degrade herself by thinking others better. She just didn't think of herself as Queen C anylonger. She had moved past that phaze of her life. And though she wouldn't admit it she was glad it was over.  
  
Angel: Angel's changes had come slowly. In his 400 and something years on this earth he'd spent well over 90 brooding. Hiding in the shadows afraid of himself and others. But in the last 5 years since he had meet Buffy Summers his way of thinking had changed. He even saw the irony of his own situation. And while he knew it would be a hard road he fought for his redemption. He wasn't nieve enough to never look at his past. He knew that that was what made him who and what he was. And as he thought about his past and the things he could change he realized it didn't matter what he thought. He couldn't change the past. Only help to mold the future.  
  
"Now I look back on the memories past. Think about life and where I'm at. Once was the weakest link. Now all that's left. Once was a little boy. Now I'm a man."  
  
This was the first time Xander had voiced his thoughts of the future outloud. His greatest fear was that he would have to watch his friend. NO. His family die before he did. He knew it was selfish to wish to spare himself the pain but he also knew that his friends all felt the same way. Though they probably didn't know it themselves.  
  
The scooby gang always thought of Xander as the one that would last. The only member of the team that would get the normal 'safe' life in move on. They realized now that Xander thought the same thing. And as they heard the words they listened to there meaning. And understood that wasn't what he wanted.  
  
"Use to believe life was Different. Use to believe life was fun. Use to believe I made a difference. But we all fall down in the long run."  
  
The chorus of the song washed over them. The scoobies were oblivious to there surroundings. There was nothing in the room beside them and Xander. Nothing between them but wide opne space. Xander stared into each of his friends eyes for a moment before staring off into space. His lips still moving as his fingers fretted the strings on the guitar.  
  
"Always wanted to be the hero. Always wanted to save the day. But I always seemed to get in the way. Just to be pushed aside by you."  
  
This chorus meant the same thing to every member of the scooby gang. They had all pushed there friend aside. They had all tried to 'protect' him. Xander was the hero. He had saved the day. More times than any of his friends knew about. But to him that didn't matter. It wasn't the saving the world that he wanted. it was acceptance. And to be truthful. Admittance. He wanted invited into the club. Not cast aside as a liability.  
  
"Use to believe life was different. Use to believe life was fun. Use to believe I made a difference. But we all fall down in the long run."  
  
The same thought echoed through each scoobies head. "I'm going to have to talk to him."  
  
"But we all fall down. In the long run---"  
  
Xander let his hands rest as he stood. The entire club filled with applause the young man smiled weakly and waved. Holding his guitar he moved off the stage only to be cut off by Lorne.  
  
Lorne: That was great Sweetcheeks. You should teach Angel a thing or two.  
  
Xander chuckled slightly as he put his guitar back into its case. The scooby gang hadn't moved from there table. All looked slightly shocked and in deep thought.  
  
Lorne: You have a great future ahead of you Xander. You won't believe what your going to get.  
  
Xander raised both his eyebrows.  
  
Xander: Whats the bad news?  
  
Lorne chuckled.  
  
Lorne: There are always obstacles. Your going to have alot of them babyface. But the payoff is worth the journey.  
  
Xander only nodded. Thats all he needed to know.  
  
Xander: Thanks.  
  
Lorne shrugged.  
  
Lorne: No problem. Its my job. Oh and tell your friends to pick there jaws up off the floor. I hate mopping up drool.  
  
Xander laughed loudly and shut his guitar case.  
  
Xander: Tell them yourself. I don't want to be glared at.  
  
Lorne shivered at the thought.  
  
Lorne: On second thought. Don't worry about it.  
  
Xander chuckled as he walked toward the table.  
  
Xander: Good call.  
  
Xander knew as he walked toward the table that he would have a million questions to answer when he sat down. First Cordelia would ask. Then Buffy, then of course Willow. And finally deadboy will ask me something or make a smartass remark. Xander smiled despite himself. I love my life!!  
  
Okay people thats it. Review plz. 


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